Client Worksheet
Triggers, Reactions & Costs
Mapping automatic loops to build conscious agency.
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Let’s map the loop — start with Step 1.
The Trigger
What set the loop in motion.
The outside event itself, not your read on it. e.g., a Slack message from your boss, a friend canceling plans last minute, an unopened bill.
The unspoken rule that made it feel urgent, often starts with “I should” or “I have to.” e.g., “A good employee responds within the hour,” “If I don’t offer, I’m being selfish.”
Where you felt it land, before you had words for it. Tap any that fit, or add your own.
The Automatic Reaction
What the body did before you could choose. Select any that fit.
If it wasn’t quite any of the above, name your version. e.g., “went quiet and canceled other plans instead.”
The Short-Term Payoff
What the reaction bought you, briefly.
Usually a feeling, not the task itself, things like conflict, disappointing someone, or feeling incompetent. e.g., “I avoided feeling like a bad friend” or “I skipped the awkward conversation about money.”
The illusion of safety. This relief is real, but it’s short-lived. The nervous system reads “the discomfort is gone” as “I am safe,” when what actually happened is the moment of choice got postponed, not resolved.
The Long-Term Cost Matrix
What the loop quietly charges, over time.
Energy & Bandwidth
e.g., needing a nap afterward, being short with your kids that night, running on empty by Wednesday.
Autonomy & Agency
e.g., agreeing to plans you didn’t want, letting someone else quietly set the terms again.
Time & Focus
e.g., losing an hour to a task that wasn’t actually yours, missing your own deadline to fix someone else’s.
Authentic Connection
e.g., resenting someone you said yes to, not mentioning how you actually feel about it.
The Choice Point & Pause Strategy
The moment between the trigger and the old move.
The Old Loop
Trigger fires → the rule takes over → the body reacts automatically → short-term relief → the cost lands later, quietly.
The Values Path
Trigger fires → you notice the rule → you buy ten seconds → you choose the response, not the reflex.
Short, neutral, and true, something you can say without over-explaining. e.g., “Let me check and circle back,” “I need a minute to think about that,” “I’ll get back to you by end of day.”
Your Choice Point
Fills in as you go — the loop on the left, the path on the right.
The Loop
The Path